How to Heal Your Life: 9

Getting To the Loving Is the Object

silhouette of person's hands forming heart

There are many definitions for “love” in the dictionary from “passion” to “regard.” When we say we love something or someone we experience a wide range of feelings in terms of meaning, depending on our experience.

Love is the most powerful energy in the universe. In fact, the energy of love powers life. Without love, there is no life. So, even in the most depressed, the meanest, the most troubled person in the world there is a spark of love.

Every one of us is a powerhouse of love. And most of us are not expressing all the love within us, through no fault of our own. We are taught all kinds of rules about love; who to love, how to show love, etc., when it is a natural state of being. We don’t need to be taught how to love; we are born with all the love we need, and the desire to share it.

We can think of our love as a huge buried treasure within us that has been covered over with heaps of misunderstanding. All we need to do is dig deep to allow our love to come to the surface. And the best way to do that is to learn to love ourselves more each day. Love takes the weight of judgment and blame off our shoulders. As we stop judging ourselves, we automatically stop judging others. Suspension of judgment allows understanding. Once we learn to suspend judgment, we can focus on behavior instead, which is where solutions lie.

Loving Ourselves

man wearing Henley top portrait

How can we learn to love ourselves just as we are? How can we love someone who irks us, aggravates us, or causes us fear? We judge those who upset us, calling them “bad.” It’s a natural reaction. But what if we learn to judge their behavior instead of condemning them? It doesn’t change the situation, but it changes our focus and gives us the power to resolve the issue, not for others, but for ourselves.

I have found that the more I love myself, the more easily I can love others – even strangers, people I’ll never meet, people I may have formerly judged. Why is this? One reason is that when we are in a state of self-love, we feel confident, we’re open to possibilities, we are at ease and relaxed. In short, we feel secure. When we feel angry, tense, or upset in any way, we are feeling threatened. We lose our self-confidence.

Does getting to the loving mean approval?

Getting to the loving is not about approval of what we experience as objectionable behavior. For me, it means remembering who I am. In a situation of upset, it means taking care of myself first. And a good way to do that is to practice mirror work as mentioned in post number 8 in this series. Talk to your image about the situation, why you are upset, how you feel, confess your judgments about yourself and the upsetting situation. Break it down step by step. See yourself in the situation. What does it look like?

After you have thoroughly examined the situation, create a mental picture of the way you want it to change. Come to an understanding of what’s really happening so you can create a scenario that will help you feel secure. The object is to find a way to express what you really want and offer a solution to the problem. The solution you offer is not about solving the problem your way but it is about sharing a way for you to be able to accept what’s happening. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to conditions.

All this is about taking care of yourself. When you treat yourself well, your feelings change about the other participants in the situation, and you no longer feel threatened. Inner security is your goal.

Live your purpose, love your life.

By liveyourpurposeloveyourlife

I'm a retired soul-centered psychotherapist. Along with doing research and art work, I want to share with you some ideas that may help you on your journey through life.

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