How to Heal Your Life: 14

Resolve Your Anger Before Discussing Your Upset.

Always Discuss Your Upset.

This is a tricky one only because most of us are not used to discussing our upsets in an unemotional way. We are also not used to resolving our anger before discussing it. In this post, I’m going to show you a new way to handle your upsets. It’s a way that takes the pressure off of you and also off of the other party.

There’s only one rule involved in this process; you need to take responsibility for your upset, leaving blame in the dust by the roadside. No blame for you, no blame for the other party. This leaves the way clear for you to express your frustration in a non-threatening way, which makes it possible for you to express your concerns genuinely from your heart.

First of all, defuse your anger in a way that works for you, perhaps by going for a walk, a run, or a drive; the best way that allows you to let go of the emotion. That may mean asking for time to defuse before discussing, and it will give you time to organize your thoughts.

When it comes time for you to talk about it, talk only about yourself – your feelings. Share about your frustration rather than criticizing their behavior. For example, “When you say/do that, I feel/experience this.” Talk about your feelings, your frustration, honestly. Then ask the other person to share their feelings/experience about the issue. Your example will show the other person that it’s safe to be honest with you, although it doesn’t mean they’re ready to do so.

It’s a challenge to express vulnerability when you feel threatened or manipulated, and you may not succeed in keeping your cool the first few times you use this process. But that’s okay. With practice, both of you will become experts. The object is to clarify the meaning behind the upset and arrive at a solution both of you can support.

You can use this process in the workplace, between friends, with family, and other situations in which there is conflict, as well.

If you have questions, I’ll be glad to answer them in the comments section.

Live your purpose, love your life.