How to Heal Your Life: 11

Acceptance and Agreement are Different

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tripped over this one, getting defensive about something just to keep someone off my back. At those times I felt so vulnerable all I could think of was self protection, defending my castle against all attackers.

How amazing it was the first time I finally gained enough self-confidence to stand up for myself without needing to be aggressive about it. What a breath of fresh air it was to no longer have the need to control the outcome of a disagreement. How liberating it was to accept the situation while giving myself the right to agree or disagree.

Nobody likes disputes or arguing. But most of us are not taught how to have a constructive exchange at times of conflict. One thing I learned that made a huge difference for me was to negotiate a time out for an agreed-upon duration so that I could deal with my upset before confronting the issue, like going for a run or a walk. When this isn’t possible, for example, at work, a ten-minute break might work.

It takes a great deal of courage to stand up for ourselves, to reveal ourselves, to state what we want without needing control. And that comes from learning to love ourselves unconditionally just as we are, from recognizing that we are doing our best to grow emotionally and spiritually every day, as is everyone else, and we deserve to give ourselves the best life possible one day at a time.

I highly recommend learning to accept disputes while honoring your right to agree or disagree.

Live your purpose, love your life.